a post-election post

Well, election season is over and I for one am thrilled. No more political ads, phone calls, junk mail...was it just me or was it completely over the top this year? Now as the dust settles, we all have to adjust to new changes...a new administration, new leaders, new taxes, new laws. Some things will be easier than others, we may not even notice them. Others will take more time, more effort. My votes didn't fare all that well, with a few exceptions. Seems most people in this city disagreed with me in large numbers on many things. So now it's time for me to work through that and I will, but that doesn't mean it's going to be easy.
Yesterday morning as the boys ate breakfast, I sat down at the computer with a cup of coffee. I went to our local radio station, KEXP's website to stream a segment of a show that I had missed the night before. Around 8:30pm Saturday night, my friend John, who is dying of terminal lung cancer, was a guest on the local music show Audioasis. He was talking about his project, Loveland, and debuting some of the songs from their record. While he's been working on it for some time, a lot of the work has been done recently, in the borrowed days of John's life. Days that weren't afforded by doctors' prognoses. You may remember my post a few months back, about a call I received from a friend, inviting me to a party in celebration of John's life. At that time, he had been given a month or two to live. But John's still here, making music, loving life, cherishing moments with his wife, his family, his friends. And listening to him on the radio, describing the meanings behind various songs, talking about his experiences, I thought about the election. I thought about how our state just passed a "death with dignity" law that allows someone with 6 months to live the opportunity to end their life. I thought about how many times over the past 5 years that John has fought against this cancer that the outlook was grim, how words like 'months to live' were thrown out there and how John has blown past every one of them. I was nearly in tears as he spoke about his music and how he was going to sell the songs via Myspace to raise money for his wife because after 5 years of chemo, surgery, radiation, medicine, doctor visits...there's nothing left. He spoke of how difficult it was to know that he's leaving his wife with nothing. But that is so far from true. She is left with memories of him, until his final day she gets to love him, to be near him, to hold his hand, to speak with him, to lay quietly and just hear him breathe. And I wonder, would the knowledge that his treatment was going to cost so much money, that he would be leaving his wife with "nothing", would that cause him to consider ending his life prematurely, just to spare her the financial burden? Now that we have this law, would it change how he sees himself? Would it cause him to wonder if it's "worth it" to keep living, knowing that the end is near? I'm horrified at what the passage of this initiative says to the terminally ill. I understand that it offers those in pain hope, I really do. But I also understand the unnecessary pressure that it puts on them to decide when death becomes the better option for those around them. And please know that I am completely conflicted about my position because I do believe in some sort of death with dignity law. After all, I watched my grandmother waste away slowly in a hospital because for some insane reason it was ethically permissible to deny her nutrients and allow her body to shut itself down, but completely out of the question to simply give her a lethal dose of medicine and let her slip away. It took weeks for her body to die, despite the fact that she was unconscious and already gone from us in our hearts. Still, we had to wait and watch and hurt and it was brutal. At that point, yes, I am for a dignified, quick death. But six months...no way. In six months, being terminally ill and sometimes barely able to climb a flight of stairs, John has thrown an amazing party, made an amazing record, gone away to a poker party and cooked for a big group of men (my dad included), touched hundreds of lives just by being John and by living, by refusing to give up. I hope he knows that the passage of this law doesn't mean his life isn't worth it. It doesn't mean he's a burden or that he should give up. Keep living John. You are a blessing to so many and your voice, like your music, should play on.

Where's Your Hope At?

I have a sign in my front lawn that says 'Obama for President'. I've never had a political sign in my yard before. I'm not much for politics, to be honest. I didn't even buy this sign. It was a gift. In the pouring down rain, my neighbor came to my door, sign in hand and gave it to me. I was touched and I put the sign out, mostly as an act of love to her although I do support Barack Obama in this election. But because of this sign, I feel that I am held to a higher standard this election. I feel as though I've opened myself up to questioning from those who want to know why I support Obama or what it is that made me decide to do so. It's a new level of responsibility; one that I didn't ask for, but that I am willing to accept. With that said, I feel I should put my thoughts out there about what happened yesterday.

When I woke up, I found a video from Obama in my inbox explaining why he is rejecting public financing of this election and instead choosing to raise funds privately. He explained that the system was broken, full of loopholes that allow special interest groups to pour unlimited funds into campaigns. He said he wanted to reject that money and instead fund his campaign with money from regular, everyday people. An astounding 47% of the money he raised in his early campaign came from people who gave less than $200. He had over 1.5 million unique donors. He has used the internet to fuel a grassroots campaign that I have found to be inspiring and a true demonstration of democracy. So I should be thrilled that he is now taking on the idea of public finance reform, right? Wrong.

So why does his decision bother me? It's simple...he went back on his word. A year ago he pledged to accept public funds for the general election and now he's changed his mind. He's spun it as a noble cause, noting that he's rejecting over $80 million in funds. But I'm not naive...it's simple to see that the real reason he's doing this is that he stands to raise unprecedented funds with his internet campaign and he won't be bogged down with fundraising. It's a bold, intelligent move and he knows that campaign finance is not a make-or-break issue for most voters. In fact, after a few weeks, this will blow over as debates about the economy, the war in Iraq, oil prices, the environment, etc. heat up. This decision could essentially win him the election because we all know that those with the money have the power. I think we all know that he made the right decision in terms of what is best for his candidacy. But he still went back on his word and he still let me down.

Obama's campaign talks a lot about hope, something I truly believe in. And here's the thing...if my hope were in Barack Obama I would be feeling pretty lousy today. In fact, if my hope were in any one person, I would be let down over and over again, probably on a daily basis. No one, not Barack Obama, not my husband, not my parents or my pastor or my closest friends, can offer me unlimited hope. No one can promise that they will never disappoint me and if they do they're lying, because we all make mistakes. We all choose our own comfort, power, needs over others at some point. We disappoint each other. We hurt one another. We lie. We go back on our word. And if you're pointing your finger at Obama right now, you'd better take a good look at yourself first. I'm not saying he isn't guilty of making a selfish decision, I'm just saying there's guilt in all of us and I know I certainly can't cast the first stone.

So where does this leave me? I have a sign in my yard that publicly declares my support for a man who let me down yesterday. Do I take the sign down? Absolutely not. That sign is an outreached-hand, a welcome mat to my neighbors. That sign tells them that even though we have our differences, we still have something in common, a cause, an ideal that can bring us together. And I still support Obama, even when he lets me down, precisely because my hope isn't in him. And maybe when my neighbors are let down and feel hopeless one day, they'll ask me why I'm not. As Christians, we can get so caught up in the politics of life, in regulating morality, in secondary arguments that are meaningless without meeting, knowing, loving Jesus. That's where my hope lies...in Christ. And because of that I can forgive a man for disappointing me. My hope doesn't hinge on man's actions; it is firmly rooted in the work that was done on the Cross so many years ago. That's where hope is and that is where you'll find me, Obama sign and all.

Tim Russert: 1950-2008

I was heartbroken when I heard yesterday that Tim Russert had died suddenly. I loved him, particularly after reading 'Big Russ & Me'.

Mr. Russert, you will be missed...