Friday, July 8, 2011

Random Ramblings of a Blogging Slacker

Oh poor neglected blog...I'm sorry I have been so terrible about updating you.

It's been over 3 months since I last posted. So much has happened and yet at the same time it's just been life as usual, moving along at its own pace. I wish I had some big news to report or a really fascinating story to share that would explain my absence. I have none. All I have are excuses about lack of time, tiredness, a glitchy computer that frustrates me into silence here.

I can't possibly recap the last 3 months. Or maybe I could but I just don't want to. What I will do is give you a little insight into what's been brewing inside my mind these days.

I've been thinking a lot about what it means to be a family. What it means to be part of something bigger than myself. I've been trying to understand how it came to be that the God of the Universe, who is infinite and perfect, chose to adopt me into His family and call me His own. Me, this clumsy, selfish, ungrateful girl...God's child. There are days when I don't treat my children with the patience and understanding that they deserve. There are days that I am not a good mother. Sometimes at night before I fall asleep I close my eyes so tight and try to erase the day because I know I messed up. And I think about God and how He must get so frustrated with me. And yet He is patient and gentle and forgiving. All the things I want to be for my kids. It is a huge thing, being asked to raise children. I feel like there are days that I am trying to climb a mountain without any gear. I just keep putting one foot in front of the other, praying that I don't fall.
This summer I've decided the boys and I are going to study the Fruit of the Spirit. Each week we're focusing on a different fruit: Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Gentleness, Self-Control, Faithfulness, Goodness. It's been wonderful to watch them try to live these out. I made a bunch of fruit and labeled each one with a different attribute and they boys can earn stickers for demonstrating that week's fruit. It's pretty hilarious to watch them orchestrate scenarios in order to earn stickers. I watched quietly as Max whispered to Gus last week, "Gus, ask me if I'm okay," after he had hurt himself.
"What?" Gus responds.
"Ask me if I'm okay," Max repeats with a sense of urgency.
"Just do it!"
"Are you okay Max?" Gus asks, having no idea what he was truly saying.
"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. Hey Mom! Gus just asked me if I'm okay. Did we just earn a love sticker?"
Max has never met a sticker he couldn't earn.
But in all seriousness, the boys have been learning a lot and earning stickers for genuine acts of love and kindness.
We've been having weekly BBQs this summer where we invite pretty much everyone we know to come hang out with us every Friday. It's been a lot of fun and extremely fascinating to see how each week differs from the next. We've had 3 BBQs and each one has been made up of a completely different crowd. I feel like I want to document it somehow. Maybe a spreadsheet or something. And then I think about that and I realize that is a really nerdy thing to want to do. I'll probably still do it though.

This is my family, bound together through blood, adopted together into God's larger family.
To say that's an overwheming thought is to put it mildly.

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